What now?

Well, the wedding is over.... my daughter is married. It was a beautiful day. Sarah looked wonderful, Justin ecstatic, and the love that the two of them share is amazing. The day was truly blessed by God. It had to be as I wouldn't have been able to get over my selfish side enough to let my ex-husband be himself and not make it all about "why doesn't he forgive me", blah, blah. My other daughter was a bridesmaid, and she, too was gorgeous. And happy. She was so happy for her sister. What a great sight to see.

Now, the day has come and gone, the family has gone (with both good and bad things coming out of that), Sarah and Justin are moved out (down the street I might add), and I am sitting here alone wondering what next??? With no work to go to this year, one less daughter here at home, and no real focus, I wonder what the hell my life is supposed to be for. I realize that I have put my entire life into other people, specifically my children. My worth rested on (and still does) my relationships with my family. No wonder I feel so worthless, because as long as I am relying on getting my worth from other human beings, I will be continually let down. And, as the healthy road of life continues with my daughters leaving and making their own lives, I am left holding what I perceive as "nothing", which is a lie. Now I can articulate that, but am not sure how to change my behavior to match the "truth". I listen to wise people give me counsel, I hear it, I believe it, and yet my behavior, and to a large extent my inner thinking, does not change. Work in progress.... that's all I have to say for now.