In just over 2 weeks my daughter Sarah is getting married. It is so hard to believe. There are so many things I want to tell her, so many pieces of advice (learned through mistakes, bad choices, errors in judgement) that I want to share with her. The reality is, she has to make her own mistakes.
I realize how difficult it is when you grow up without sound guidance. This honestly isn't a self-pity statement. It is the recognition that when you don't know any better, you generally don't do any better. Without someone reminding you to "do the right thing" mostly through modelling, often the "right thing" is a very blurry definition. I had a conversation with a dear friend a few days ago about this. While I don't want to stay stuck with regret, I do have a longing to turn back the clock and change the way I parented my girls. Sure, they are great kids, with so much to offer the world. I am just not sure they see that. I am not sure that I raised them with the right values, a healthy outlook on life, and definitely they did not have God as a part of their growing up. One daughter has a relationship with God, and I am uncertain about the other. We just don't talk that much.
Both of my kids tend to not want to talk to me about much of anything. Is that their ages, or is it the way I raised them? Did I spend too much time on my marriage, my friends, me, me, me? It is a constant struggle with them now. It's like the "Cat's in the Cradle" song. I think that is me. Now that I have my "act" together (ha, not really as I read my blogs), I want to be able to share things with them. I get the feeling that I am not worth the time. It's the "reap what you sow" syndrome. Hence the wanting to turn back the clock and have a "redo". I look at other parents I admire and they have had a sound parent to guide them, then they pass their knowledge on. It makes me sad, really. Someone told me it's never too late. Feels too late now, cause every interaction I have with the kids, I feel like I end up the old Kelly - yelling, frustrated and eventually walking away. What's with that?!?
Hmmmm.... what a great way for Sarah to begin her marriage.... with her mom yelling at her.
1 comment:
Wow - let's just kick Kelly to the curb. Stop betting yourself up. You are a great mother. You have lead them to God - whether they choice God is up to them. I'm sure Stef will find her way - prayer in the meantime helps. As for you my friend, regrets are a waste of valuable time. You did the best you knew how to do and now you do better. Think of the wonderful things you have in your girls - One is choicing marriage instead of living together - the other is working, furthering her education and living at home - those are very wise choices for a young adult. You have beautiful children with good hearts and that my friend is a result of a wonderful mother.
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