It's been a few days since I last put anything down here. I have been quite busy.... and, honestly wrestling with what I like to call my "ugly heart". Down in my heart where I hate to go is a place that harbors resentment, frustration, anger and jealousy...along with pride, self-righteousness, self pity, and ...well, need I go on. It's an ugly picture.
I went to the Psalms and started reading.... what a wonderful book in the bible. I am so thankful for Gloria's insight and her constant quest for knowledge and understanding, because as her friend I benefit from what she learns as she passes it on to me. The psalmists say everything I need to say, except much more eloquently. I might add a few expletives when I am mad at God, so it's a good thing I read from the Psalms. Today I made a point of looking at the praising of God, as well as asking Him to forgive all of the above that's in my heart. That's for today. I know that I will have the uglies bubble up from within again, and I will then give those to God that day. For today I am giving them to God.
I don't want to go into detail here, even though I am mainly the one who reads these. I am struggling with what it means to be a friend.... when do you decide you are doing too much, not enough, crossing boundaries.... having no boundaries. I have just recently, in my old age, discovered that I have lived without boundaries for far too long. Now, as I discover what they look like, I am struck by how difficult it is for me to say "no", to know when I should help, when I shouldn't and what makes the difference. So - I am rambling yet again. Good thing I am the only one who reads this. And, to put it into perspective.... I am a healthy, not living on the street human who has people in my world who love me. Time to go... will ramble on later.
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1 comment:
Kelly, you are a great friend - boundaries are hard to set - don't forget about your needs - they are important too.
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