My Semi-Annual Post

Well, it's been some time since I have written anything down here. I usually just make this a place for me to complain, as noone knows that I have a blog. Kinda like it that way. I type so much faster than I write so I feel like this is the best place to get my thoughts down as quickly as they come.


I am struggling so much with a situation with a family member. I was asked to do something for my family and it was something that I really didn't think I could do - even though I really wanted to help. My own health was something I needed to consider in this situation. I talked to my "professional", and we both agreed it was not a good time for me to be doing this. So - I did it! I said "no", which was the hardest word for me to say. For anyone who may know me very well, they know that this is not a word I do well when people "need" me. I love to be needed, and I love to please. This was a time for me to begin to practice my boundaries and say what would be best for me. Anyway, I was afraid this would break my relationship with this family member, and as I thought, she cut me off yesterday and didn't call me back today. Part of me is angry, but the larger part of me is sad. My biggest fear is that people won't like me... and aha, it happened. So, what am I learning? I am learning that as I grow and allow God to work in me I recognize just how imperfect I am, and that other people are just as imperfect. They are going to hurt and disappoint me. But, I too, am going to disappoint and hurt. And I think about the fact that God loves me so much and he never stops loving me even when I make mistakes (on a minute-by-minute basis sometimes). I need to extend grace to other people like God does to me.

However, that does not mean that I have to keep stepping in the black hole when I am dealing with people who don't respect who I am trying to be. I can love them, but from a distance. I think I am realizing that is what I need to do with this family member. I love her, and I will continue to do so, but right now I need to lick my wounds and be ok with saying no, and even more importantly, be ok with her being mad at me and not calling me. So... off to the spa in Moose Jaw with one of my friends. It will be a good time, and I will work very hard to be "up", as going "home" is hard. I still want to go to my mom's house which I lived in forever. Life changes.... I need to learn to change with it, feel the hurt and continue on.